To what end?

I finished two paintings that go together, a diptych. But to what end? I loved the process and the final image, but what is it all for? Who is it for? Making art is a messed up mental thing and making abstract are is even more strange. And honestly, there are so many people that have done great work and even more that are still doing it. What makes my art of any value to anyone? I really don’t know. Hell, I really don’t know anything about anything.

These days I paint. And I consider myself to be an artist. I think of it more as something I do and not as my business. I would love for it to be my business. So, how do I make this happen at my age? (Yes, tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be 53. I’m sure there are plenty of artist that started at my age. ) Well I did some math and realized that I need to start selling my art for $1000 a piece twice a week! Or one piece a month for $10,000. Yes, I’m aware of all the other paths, selling prints, commissions, events and such. I’d really rather just sell a few pieces for $50,000 each. So if you happen to be a crazy rich art collector that wants to create a new art sensation my validating my work to the greater art buying community by spend $50,000 for a piece of my art…

So, I’d love to say I paint for money. But I don’t. I want money and would love to make my living as an artist.

I’d love to say I’m driven by an internal need to express myself, but really, I’m comfortable expressing myself in so many different ways. Art is a solid way for sure. But I can go months without painting and/or totally change what I paint and how I do it. So, that’s not it.

Again, To what end? I just don’t know. I feel great while I’m painting, but I hate getting started and once finished, I don’t like anything to do with the selling process. So I guess I paint for me, in hopes that something that needs to come out of me does and that the final product connects with someone. And maybe, one of those people might want to buy it.

Yes. I know this post sounds a little … sad. Like I should be confident that my art is great. Well, I’m not an insecure person. But art is a freaking mystical and subjective and makes very little sense. It speaks to us on a level that our brains just don’t process or it doesn’t connect with us and it is just blobs of paint.

So, buy my art please! Offer to pay at least double. Tell me I’m a genius and pump up my ego. Or keep your damn opinion to yourself.